Parenting Tips: Self Government, Teaching Children to Enjoy Work

Parenting Tips:

Self Government, Teaching Children to Enjoy Work

How to Help Kids Enjoy Doing Work!

Nicholeen Peck

Work as a Means to Freedom and Happiness

Samuel Smiles, a philosopher/historian who lived in the 1800s, said, “Work is one of the best educators of practical character…Work is…the living principle that carries men and nations onward…All must work in one way or another, if they would enjoy life as it ought to be enjoyed…All that is great in man comes through work, and civilization is its product. Were labor abolished, the race of Adam were at once stricken by moral death.

Work as a Negative Consequence

Part of the self-government approach to family communication that I teach is the importance of teaching cause and effect. This helps children take ownership of their own behaviors. To do this I recommend using extra chores as negative consequences. Do that instead of taking things away from children, or physically or emotionally manipulating them.

Little housekeeping fairy girl tired of home chores – doing the dishes

One of the most common questions I get regarding work is “Won’t my child hate work if work is used as a negative consequence? I want my child to like work.”

In recent years, a theory has been propagated that doing work as a negative consequence can make a person hate work. This simply isn’t true.

Natural consequences and synthetic consequences both teach cause and effect, which is essential for learning self-government. Natural consequences always need to be brought to the child’s attention. But, due to how children are wired, synthetic consequences are often required to be more consistent with teaching and decreasing manipulation of parenting systems by the children.

Parents can use whatever synthetic consequences they want and fit all their other parenting principles to those consequences, but we’ve found multiple reasons why work is best. 

First, Smiles said, “work is the antidote for a sick character.” When a child won’t follow instructions or accept “No” answers from their parents, the child’s character is sick. The child is forgetting his role and the duty associated with it.

Second, to really learn self-government, children have to take full responsibility for their progress, skills, and course corrections. When children accept a negative consequence in the teaching self-government system, they never do it with a bad attitude. If they have a bad attitude, they’re not allowed to accept the consequence yet. Children end up wanting to accept their consequence when they understand the system. If children don’t choose to accept their consequence, they can’t learn self-government. So, you won’t have grumpy children doing chores. If parents just take things or opportunities away from their children for synthetic negative consequences, then the parents are just joining the power struggles and hoping to have the upper hand.

Third, of all the synthetic consequences we’ve ever used with children, extra chores create the least amount of anxiety and naturally increase confidence the most. They’re also the most merciful because they can be done quickly, allowing children to forget the negative moment in their life and move on. When parents take away a toy or friend time, or something like that for a simple instruction not being followed (like making the bed or cleaning the room), then the negative consequence has to follow children around for a long time — even when they already complied with the instruction and cleaned the room and had a change of heart. Once a chore is done, that’s it. Nothing follows them around all day to remind them how bad they were.

Fourth, work is only bad if parents present work as bad or think of work as bad themselves. We don’t consider work or negative consequences as bad at our house. Since we already work together for hours daily as a family and enjoy that time, and since we all have daily chores that are part of life, and since our children regularly take on large adult work type projects of their own accord, then when a little extra job is earned they don’t see it as bad. To them, it’s just a simple consequence that was earned that they need to acknowledge and quickly complete. Most times, it’s hardly even a burden to them.

When children have already been taught that work is good, then an extra job is the easiest and most merciful consequence they could have. So, a deliberate parent presents work positively to their children as part of their family culture in order for them to choose to like work. Even if parents don’t choose to use chores as negative consequences, they’ll want to make sure work is seen as a good thing at their house.

 

https://teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/how-help-kids-enjoy-doing-work/

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Judeo-Christian Culture: In Age of Moral Relativism, We can Trust God and Absolute Truth

Judeo-Christian Culture:

Biblical Worldview

In Age of Moral Relativism, We can Trust God and Absolute Truth

Why can we trust God in this age of moral relativism? Because God keeps His word. The truth in the Word of God is absolute. Right and wrong are absolute, eternal. His truth does not hide from inquiry, is not swayed by popular opinion, does not cower before tyrants. ~C.A. Davidson

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Epicworld Dinner Topics!

“EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO HIS OWN OPINION, BUT NOT TO HIS OWN FACTS,” said Daniel Patrick Moynihan. We are living in an era where opinion reigns supreme—never mind the facts. If you don’t agree with the ruling opinion, even if that opinion is an outright lie; or if you speak one word that offends, you are persona non grata, enemy of society, etc., etc.

Truth is not found in moral relativism, which is based on opinions, but only in the absolute truth of God’s word. Because God keeps His promises, we can trust Him without reservation. Why can we trust God in this age of moral relativism? Because God keeps His word. The truth in the Word of God is absolute. Right and wrong are absolute, eternal. Moral truth is absolute, unchangeable, rock-solid from generation to generation, century to century, age to age, forever. His truth does not hide from inquiry, is not swayed by popular opinion, does not cower before tyrants.

Have you ever wondered why some people wholeheartedly defend false doctrines and evil practices, even though such have been proven to be blatant lies, or revealed to be utterly barbaric? How can they believe lies and be so dedicated to evil that it is like a religion for them? How can they be so blind to truth as to actually hate truth, and even to the point they seem to be in bondage to the father of all lies? Those who cast aside the shield of faith lose protection against the buffetings of the adversary.

Shieldresize            Someone said that there are many on the earth … who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.

Jesus Christ warned that in our day there would be many false teachers, so convincing that they might deceive even the very elect, meaning us—we who have chosen to follow Christ. It’s obvious that truth is being covered up by many, and deceivers are everywhere. How can we avoid the traps of deception so rampant in our society today? How can we keep a clear vision through the murky mists of deceit that surround us?

In this age of moral relativism, truth seems elusive—where can we find it, and how will we know it when we do find it? Jesus told us, “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

The Savior did not leave us to face these perilous times unprotected.

truth1          First, He taught us how to discern a false teacher. “Ye shall know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:16) We cannot look to words or personality alone to determine truth. We must study history, and examine people’s choices and actions. Do they speak the truth and let the consequence follow, or do they engage in moral equivocation, in order to please whomever they are speaking to at the moment? Do they truly care about what’s right for our country, or do they just care about getting votes?

In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost. [Holy Spirit] ~Russell M. Nelson

Even so, it is still hard to sift through all the rhetoric. There is one other defense that we have, that is the only key to our survival in these turbulent times. That key is the Holy Spirit. The Spirit will help us find the truth, and will free us from the bondage of sin. However, there is a condition. If we keep the commandments, the Spirit will abide with us. If we yield to sin, the Spirit will withdraw.

forgiveness4dove           This is why we see some defending evil so ardently. They have so seared their consciences that the Spirit has withdrawn, and they are left on their own.

We all sin and fall short, but if we do our best, mend our ways when necessary, and trust in the redeeming power of our Savior, then He has promised the Comforter to abide with us. This promise is stronger than death; and a power that our persecutors will never know.

 

We will not retreat, though our numbers may be few

When compared to the opposite host in view;

But an unseen power will aid me and you

In the glorious cause of truth. ~Evan Stephens

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1. Let Us Educate Ourselves

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Traditional Bible-believing parents may have to consider withdrawing their children from public schools to protect your family spiritually and financially from the rising tide of persecution and ruinous lawsuits by anti-Christian fascists.

If it is not possible for you to home school, try to teach your children Judeo-Christian values at home. The easiest way to do this is to tell stories and discuss principles at the family dinner table. I hope these dinner topics help you with this vital effort. Just don’t give up! Our precious children are worth fighting for!

constitution3. Study the U.S. Constitution!

It is the last remaining safeguard of our precious freedoms! A good way to do this is to study the monthly Constitution series from The 5,000 Year Leap. To access this series of posts, type US Constitution Series in this site’s search bar. Also, look for posts that refer to the Constitution in current events.

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Young Adult Book Series Helps Parents Impart Biblical Values

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Parenting: Teaching Loyalty

Parenting: Teaching Loyalty & Dependability

Dinner Topics for Wednesday

By Richard and Linda Eyre

Loyalty to family, to employers, to country, church, schools, and other organizations and institutions to which commitments are made. Support, service, contribution. Reliability and consistency in doing what you say you will do.

Parenting Value for January: Loyalty and Dependability Part 1

family4General Methods for teaching Dependability and Loyalty

So . . . loyalty and dependability means doing what is right even when it is hard (and even if it means missing a party).

Children can learn what loyalty and dependability are through stories, games, role-playing, and discussion, but they can learn to have it only through your example and through your lavish praise of their example (or even of their attempts).

Highlight your own dependability. Make your children aware of your own example. Parents do things every day that illustrate their loyalty to their children and that exemplify dependability in the home setting. But so many of these things are so automatic that they are seldom noticed and seldom used as visible examples of this important moral value. Instead of saying, “I’ll pick you up after school,” say, “I’ll be there at three-thirty — you can count on it.” Instead of just going to a child’s soccer game or music recital, say, “I’ll be there no matter how busy I am because I want to be with you and support what you do!”

Tell children more often that you will always be there for them, that they can depend on you, that you’ll be behind them in hard times. Take credit for your dependability and loyalty, because it is the best way to instill the same qualities into your children.

Thank children and praise them for every evidence of their own dependability. Reinforce the value and show them how often it can be used. Thank your children when they are on time for dinner or when they support or help a smaller brother or sister. Praise them when they finish an assignment or task. Work hard this month at never taking for granted any act or evidence of dependability or loyalty.

Sample Method for Preschoolers:

Ask Small Children to Do Things Instead of Telling Them

You’ll obtain their answer, which you can use to teach dependability. When children are told to do something, they can learn and practice only the principle of obedience. But when small children are asked to do something in a firm but respectful way, they can learn both obedience and dependability.

Children actually say no, complain, and make excuses more when they are told than when they are asked. Use the word please, and let them know that you expect a yes. That yes then becomes a commitment to which you can tie the principle of dependability . . . of doing what you say you will do.

Sample Method for Elementary Age:

The Synonyms and Antonyms Game

This game will help late elementary school or early-adolescent children be clear in their understanding of both words. Simply ask, “What are some synonyms or close synonyms for dependability?” (Reliability, trustworthiness, consistency, predictability, etc.) “For loyalty?” (To stand up for, to be part of, to be true to.) “What are some antonyms or near antonyms for dependable?” (Can’t be counted on, unpredictable.) “For loyal?” (Uncommitted, traitor, spy, out for oneself.) Then discuss how dependability helps people and how its opposites hurt people.

Sample Method for Adolescent Age:

Lists

These help children pinpoint who and what they want to be loyal to and what things they want to be dependable on. Work together with the children on forming a loyalty list (family members, school, church, friends, etc.) and a dependability list (family job, school assignments, music practice, etc.)

Judeo-Christian Culture: Christmas is about Christ

Judeo-Christian Culture:

Christmas is about Christ

C.A. Davidson

CHRISTMAS IS NOT multi-cultural. Christmas is unique to Biblical Culture, for without Christ, there would be no Christmas. It is called Western Civilization because it is civilized. Yes, despite the dogmas of moral relativism, Judeo-Christian culture is a superior culture. Western Culture has more respect for women and children, more religious and other liberty, more prosperity, more peace than any other culture. And it’s all because of the teachings of Christ.

Unlike other cultures, and contrary to what the media may tell you, we do not kill people we disagree with; we don’t treat certain groups as second-class citizens. We do require citizenship to enjoy Constitutional rights, but any country has to have laws and borders, or it is not a country.

Europe, the origin of Western Culture, is disintegrating because those peoples have failed to protect the cornerstone of civilization. When a nation stops obeying the Ten Commandments, it descends into savagery.

In the 1930s, the first school of political correctness convened in Frankfurt Germany. There the masterminds decided that the only way to achieve their agenda was to destroy Western Culture, for as long as Christians believed in God and moral absolutes, they stood in the way of the Marxist revolution. The first priority was to destroy the family. So Cultural Marxism was sown, and we are reaping its bitter fruits of moral relativism, multiculturalism, atheism, sexual anarchy, lawlessness, religious persecution, drug addiction, tyranny … the depressing list goes on and on.

And we have watched Christmas become a junk fest. In secular society, Christ is missing from Christmas. The best gift we can give our children this year, and all year long, is the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is only one plan of happiness that works: Faith, repentance, and obedience to God’s commandments. If we do not pass on these precious truths, our children will fall prey to all the deceptive counterfeits that lead to misery.

This is a serious message for this joyful season, but if we preserve and protect the true meaning of Christmas, we will have peace now, and there will be no post-holiday letdown. Instead, we will enjoy the Christmas Spirit all year long.

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Parents: Teaching Chastity and Fidelity

Dinner Topics for Tuesday

Richard and Linda Eyre

Parenting Value for December: Chastity and Fidelity, Part 1

General Methods for teaching chastity and fidelity

momdaughterwillowMake your own example of fidelity as obvious and noticeable as possible. You can help your children see the importance that you place on this value as well as the happiness and security it gives you. Talk about commitment in personal terms. If you are a two-parent family, point out how the two of you belong to each other so that you don’t need any other man or woman. Try to let children see the basic physical signs of love and commitment, such as holding hands or a kiss as you leave for work.

Make sex and sexual maturity an open topic in your family. Maximize the number of opportunities you have to comment on the logic and benefits of chastity and fidelity and to permit concerns and problems to surface early rather than late. With children over eight (assuming that you have had your initial talk with them as suggested), do all you can to make sex an open and agreeable subject rather than something that is secret or off-limits or silly or embarrassing. It may seem difficult and unnatural at first, but these feelings are a sign that the subject needs opening up. Things you observe on television, movies, and music – or in article or books – or in styles of dress – all present potential opportunities to make comments about what you think is appropriate or not appropriate, what things are moral in the sense that they help and what things are immoral (or amoral) in the sense they may hurt someone physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Look for chances to discuss the behavior of young adolescents (your children’s acquaintances) and bring up the possible connections of that behavior to hormones and the effects of puberty.

Strive to convey the following two impressions whenever possible: (a) sex, the feelings and changes of puberty, and the attractions and feelings they cause us to feel are natural and good, even wonderful and miraculous; and (b) because sex is natural and good, and because its urges are powerful and have to do with the creation of life, its use should be connected to love and commitment – it is too beautiful to be made common or to squander.

Sample Method for Elementary Age:

Focusing on Age Eight

When our children have their eighth birthday, they undergo something of a rite of passage, going from a kid to a semi-grown-up, from a tutee to a tutor, from someone who knew almost nothing about sex and reproduction to someone who could probably teach a course on the subject.

We begin several weeks before the child’s eighth birthday, “priming” him by indicating that when he turns eight, he will be given some new privileges, some new responsibilities, and will learn about “the most beautiful and wonderful thing on earth.”

When the big day arrives, we take the new eight-year-old on a private daddy-mommy date to a nice restaurant, making every effort to treat him with a new maturity and respect. As mentioned earlier, we give him some added responsibility in areas such as choosing his own clothes and earning more money by doing family chores. We express our pride in him and our appreciation of him.

Then we go home for the much-anticipated highlight of the evening: our private talk about the “most wonderful and beautiful thing on earth.” In upbeat, positive terms we explain the facts of life using diagrams and pictures to explain reproduction. (We particularly like using the child’s book Where Did I Come From?) We encourage questions; we ask him often if he understands; and we watch his expressions to be sure he’s not only comprehending but appreciating what we are telling him.

Then we make a very strong point of how smart and how right it is to be careful how we use something as important and as miraculous as sex. We point out that something that special should be saved for one person – for the commitment of marriage, where it can be a wedding gift that has never been given before.

Children accept this idea very easily. It seems natural to them that something so private and so beautiful (and something so magic and powerful that it starts new babies) should be saved and used carefully rather than spent indiscriminately.

It is also natural to them to understand that after two people are married, sex is a bond and a special, private way of expression love between them that should not be used outside of marriage.

We also talk about AIDS and of the dangers of misusing sex. And we use the standard “values formula” by discussing how and who is helped by being careful about sex and how and who is hurt when people are not careful about sex.

– Richard

Eight may seem like a young age for some of the discussion represented above, but it is the right age for two very important reasons: (a) to wait longer runs the risk (if not the likely possibility) that your child will learn of reproduction and sex in the negative and silly perspective of the other children who will tell them about things before you do; (b) eight years old is a natural and curious age when children can understand in a sweet, uncynical way.

One evening and one discussion, of course, is not enough. An evening such as we have suggested can establish the basics and open wide the door of trust that permits the subject to be one of ongoing openness and discussion.

Certainly the underlying philosophy involved in teaching children the value of fidelity and chastity is that sex is too beautiful and too good to be given or used or thought of loosely or without commitment. The opposite view of sex as a dirty or evil thing should be avoided and countered at every opportunity.

Sample Method for Adolescent Age:

The Mortar Metaphor

This comparison can help adolescents understand the importance of fidelity in marriage. Look for a quiet private time (perhaps while traveling in a car or during a peaceful moment at bedtime) and relate the following comparison:

It takes many elements to build a house – the bricks, the boards, the shingles, the windows, the doors, and so on. One key element is the mortar, which holds the walls together and keeps everything in place. Similarly it takes many qualities to build a happy, unified family. It takes caring and helping and patience along with financial and emotional support. In a way the thing that “sticks” a family together and gives security and confidence to the parents and the children is the sexual fidelity of the mother and father. If either parent “cheats” on the other, it causes tremendous emotional strain. One parents feels guilty and secretive. The other feels disgraced and discarded. Even if the parents don’t separate or divorce, much of the feeling and commitment is gone, and the family, like a house without mortar, can begin to break apart.

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Book Reviews: Young Adult Literature Relevant to Today, will Strengthen Faith and Family

Book Reviews: Young Adult Literature Relevant to Today, will Strengthen Faith and Family “Ben, this is spiritual warfare—for the souls of those we love,” Rebekah said. “If we don’t teach you the truth, the world will teach you its lies. … Continue reading

Parenting Tips: Teaching Discipline, Self-Control

Dinner Topics for Thursday

Parenting Value for November: Self-Discipline

Richard and Linda Eyre

Part 1: Objective

Part 2: Methods for Teaching Self-Discipline

Self-Discipline

family8workingPhysical, mental, and financial self-discipline. Moderation in speaking, in eating, in exercising. The controlling and bridling of one’s own appetites. Understanding the limits of body and mind. Avoiding the dangers of extreme, unbalanced viewpoints. The ability to balance self-discipline with spontaneity.

General Methods

1. Maintain a family schedule. This can give children the security of certain things that are predictable and the discipline of being sure that they are there when expected. Have a set breakfast time and a dinnertime. Have different times for different days if necessary, but put them up on some sort of poster and see if everyone can discipline themselves to be there during this month.

2. Teach by example. Create a personal example regarding the value of discipline and moderation in all areas. Again, example is the number-one method. Make up your mind, especially during this “month,” to control your temper, to save a percentage of your income, to live within your means, to eat moderately, and so on.

3. Count to ten. Help children — and yourself — stay in tighter control of your tempers. There is no more obvious and noticeable illustration of discipline than in the control of temper. Teach your children the simple principle of counting to ten before saying or doing anything when they feel anger. Give some “bad examples” of people who hurt someone because they struck out (or spoke out) without stopping to think. Give some good examples of people who were about to say something angry or to hurt someone in some way and then thought better of it while counting to ten.

4. Use the words “discipline” and “moderation” frequently. This will help children understand them and “connect” them to everyday behavior. When you pass up a second helping of potatoes say, “I’m going to use moderation and not eat too much — it will help my waistline.” When you notice a child getting his homework done say, “There’s discipline for you.” Make the words the “theme” of your communications and your activities for the month.

5. Set up “deals.” Add motivation to your child’s efforts to discipline himself to accomplish goals. Having children set up certain objectives and attaching a reward to the accomplishment of those goals can give parents added opportunities for praise and can make children more conscious of consistently disciplining themselves to do things.

Sample Method for Preschoolers: The “Too Much” Game

This game will get small children thinking about the concept of moderation and about its benefits. Explain that too much can sometimes be worse than too little. Say, “Let’s play a game about too much. I’ll say, ‘too much ________,’ and you say something that you wouldn’t want to do too much of ________, then say what ‘bad thing’ might happen from too much.” For example:

Too much food. . . . You might get fat.
Too much exercise. . . . You might get too tired, or even injured.
Too much candy. . . . You’d get cavities, lose your appetite.
Too much television. . . . It keeps from playing, studying, and other good things.
Too much catsup. . . . You can’t taste the food.
Too much bathing. . . . You might wash your skin off.

As the last two illustrations, you can have some fun with the game. But the bottom line is helping small children to understand the value of moderation.

 Sample Method for Elementary Age: The “Choose the M or the A” Game

This game teaches older elementary school children the fact that some things are okay in moderation but bad in excess — while other things are bad in any quantity or form. Make up, on three plain sheets of paper, a large M for “moderation,” a large A for “avoid” or “abstain,” and a large N.L. for “no limit” (describe and define the words). Then explain that you are going to go through a list of things and you want them to pick one of the three signs for each of the items you are going to mention. Then go through the following list, adding items of your own and stopping to discuss or ask questions about any on which the answer is not clear.

Eating (M)
Taking Drugs (A)
Reading (NL)
Exercising (M)
Watching Television (M)
Caring for Others (NL)
Name-Calling (A)
Smiling (NL)
Drinking Alcohol
Drinking Before Driving (A)
Playing at Friends’ Houses (M)

Joseph resists TSample Method for Adolescent Age: Agree on Policies of Discipline

Give your teenagers the limits that provide security, convince them of your concern, and give them opportunities for the exercise of discipline. Sit down with your adolescent and decide together on some guidelines and standards that will help him exercise discipline and moderation as he moves into and through his teenage years. Some suggestions:

  • Decide on a curfew. There is really no need (or very seldom a need) for extremely late hours. An amazing percentage of problems occur after midnight.
  • Limit the number of nights out. Limit television, limit things that need moderation. A mutually agreed-on limit will help a teenager to exercise discipline more easily.
  • Date one person no more than twice in a row. Require a date with someone else before a third date occurs with the same person.

Judeo-Christian Culture: Parenting Tips for Faith in Action, Parents Teaching at Home

Judeo-Christian Culture:

Parenting Tips for Faith in Action, Parents Teaching at Home

Laying the Foundation of a Great Work

By Steven R. Bangerter

(Parents teaching at home)

Lessons taught through the traditions we establish in our homes, though small and simple, are increasingly important in today’s world.

As parents in Zion, we have a sacred duty to awaken within our children passion and commitment to the joy, light, and truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ. While raising our children, we establish traditions within our home and we build patterns of communication and behavior within our family relationships. In doing so, the traditions we establish should ingrain strong, unwavering characteristics of goodness in our children that will infuse them with strength to confront the challenges of life.

This year our grandchildren wrote the topic of their message on stones and then, one by one, buried them next to one another, representing a sure foundation upon which a happy life is established. Woven among all six of their messages was the immutable, eternal truth that Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of that foundation.

In the words of Isaiah, “Therefore thus saith the Lord God, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation.”1 Jesus Christ is that precious cornerstone in the foundation of Zion. It was He who revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith: “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”2

Lessons taught through the traditions we establish in our homes, though small and simple, are increasingly important in today’s world. What are the small and simple things that, when established, will perform a great work in the lives of our children?

Russell M. Nelson poignantly reminded parents of the sacred responsibility we have to teach our children. By these efforts, our beloved prophet urges us to make our homes “sanctuaries of faith.”4

Consistent, wholesome family traditions that include prayer, scripture reading, family home evening, and attendance at Church meetings, though seemingly small and simple, create a culture of love, respect, unity, and security. In the spirit that accompanies these efforts, our children become protected from the fiery darts of the adversary so embedded in the worldly culture of our day.

We are reminded of the wise counsel of Helaman to his sons: “Remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”7

Years ago, while I was serving as a young bishop, an older gentleman asked to meet with me. He described his departure from the Church and the righteous traditions of his parents when he was in his youth. He described in detail the heartache he experienced during his life while vainly seeking lasting joy amidst the momentary happiness the world has to offer. Now, in his later years of life, he experienced the tender, sometimes nagging whispering sensations of the Spirit of God guiding him back to the lessons, practices, feelings, and spiritual safety of his youth. He expressed gratitude for the traditions of his parents, and in modern-day words, he echoed the proclamation of Enos: “Blessed be the name of my God for it.”

In those moments, we witness the wisdom of the writer of the proverb, who exhorts parents, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”8

Every parent faces moments of frustration and varying levels of determination and strength while raising children. However, when parents exercise faith by teaching children candidly, lovingly and doing all they can to help them along the way, they receive greater hope that the seeds being sown will take root within the hearts and minds of their children.

Moses well understood the fundamental need for constant teaching. He counseled,

“And thou shalt teach [these words] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”9~Deuteronomy 6:7

We kneel beside our children during family prayer, we care for them through our efforts to hold meaningful family scripture reading, we patiently, lovingly care for them as together we participate in family home evening, and we anguish for them on our knees in the midst of our private prayers to heaven. Oh, how we yearn for the seeds we are sowing to take root within the hearts and minds of our children.

I believe that it is less a question of whether our children are “getting it” in the midst of our teaching, such as while striving to read the scriptures or to have family home evening or to attend Mutual and other Church meetings. It is less a question of whether in those moments they are understanding the importance of those activities and more a question of whether we, as parents, are exercising faith enough to follow the Lord’s counsel to diligently live, teach, exhort, and set forth expectations that are inspired by the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is an effort driven by our faith—our belief that one day the seeds sown in their youth will take root and begin to sprout and grow.

The things we talk of, the things we preach and teach determine the things that will happen among us. As we establish wholesome traditions that teach the doctrine of Christ, the Holy Spirit bears witness of the truthfulness of our message and nourishes the seeds of the gospel that are planted deep in the hearts of our children by our efforts all along the way.

Related

The Language of the Gospel

Parenting: Teaching Responsibility, not Blame

Dinner Topics for Thursday

October Parenting Value Part 1

From Richard and Linda Eyre

Self-Reliance and Potential: General Methods

momdaughterwillow1. Praise. Reinforce your children’s self-image and individuality and build their confidence — that is required for self-reliance. Like flowers under rain and sunshine, children blossom and bloom under recognition and praise. “Catch them doing something good” and when you do, give effusive praise! When they make mistakes or fall short, help them accept responsibility for it and then praise that acceptance to the point that their pride in their self-reliance outshines their concern over the shortcoming.

2. Use yourself as the model and example. Show your children that you “value this value” and that you work for it. Take every opportunity to show your children how you are trying to improve. Talk about the things you think you’re good at and working to be better at.

Show pleasure in things you do well. Also, be obvious about taking the blame for mistakes you make. Say, “You know, that was my fault. Here’s what I could have done differently. . . .”

Let your children see that you can accept responsibility and blame and let them see that you take pride in who you are and that you are working to be better.

Sample Method for Preschoolers: Praise Creativity and Emphasize Individuality and Originality

Help your children to like their own unique selves. Just as small children need to hear the sound of letters over and over and over again before they learn to read, so also they need to hear their own unique abilities praised time after time before they actually believe in themselves and increase how much they like who they are. Simple as it sounds, the key “connection” of this chapter is that children who like themselves become capable of relying on themselves, of accepting responsibility, and of reaching for their full potential. Praise every effort you see them making — from drawing a picture to trying to tie their shoe. Look constantly for new things they learn to do or for any sort of aptitude at which they seem particularly good.

Help a child see that he is unique by making up an “I Am Special” book with a front cover tracing his silhouette, and with his height, weight, eye color, favorite food, funnest activity, best skills, and so on written inside. Help him understand that there is no one, anywhere, who is exactly like him.

Help children to learn to say, when they face something they can’t do, “I can’t do ___________, but I can do _____________.” This will help them later on to accept their weak points with their strengths.

Sample Method for Elementary Age: Consult Rather Than Manage

Put yourself in a role that maximizes your children’s development of self-reliance and self-knowledge. Try not to take initiative away from your child. Suggest rather than command wherever possible. Ask if he needs help rather than forcing it on him. Try to notice what he likes and where his natural gifts and abilities lie rather than trying to decide what he will do and what he should be good at.

When he asks you to do his homework, say no. But tell him you’ll check it after he’s done and tell him if it’s right and help him on the parts he’s tried to do but still doesn’t understand.

As children are old enough to understand the terms, tell them that you want to be their consultant and not their manager. Explain that they are the ones who have to decide what they will do and how well they will do it and that you want to help but not force. (Be sure they can separate this consulting help and guidance that relate to their choices from the laws and absolutes that govern their behavior.)

motherdaughterSample Method for Adolescent Age: Avoid Over-protectiveness

Build your adolescent’s self-respect, self-confidence, and self-reliance. Have clear rules (curfew, etc.) but within these, trust your adolescents and make a point of telling them that you not only trust them but have confidence in their ability to handle themselves and the situations they find themselves in.

This principle applies to smaller children also. Too many well-meaning parents may prevent a skinned knee or even a broken arm by being overly protective physically, but in the process they may exert undue influence and diminish the feelings of self-reliance and self-control.